Dear Disney Corp,
Come on. "Fast Play"? Do you really expect us to fall for this load of crap? I'm of course referring to the seemingly time saving "Fast Play" option on your DVDs, that does not take you directly to the damn movie - as the name would suggest, but instead takes you through 30 minutes of previews for other movies and commercials for Disney crap, I mean lovely merchandise.
I knew from the first - that "Fast Play" was a ploy. It's just that the voice sounds so excited when it says "This DVD is now equipped with Disney's Fast Play! Your movie, and a selection of bonus features, will play for you automatically!" Bonus features? Really? You are selling your previews and merchandise as bonus features? What's the bonus? I get to spend my hard earned bonus getting more Disney crap for my kids?
There is nothing fast about "Fast Play" Disney people! Seriously. How can you name it that, and sleep at night? Clearly, I am on to you, and immediately scroll over to the "Main Menu" function so that I can actually get to the menu of the DVD that will allow me to start the movie we are attempting to watch. However, if I don't stand there and monitor the screen so that I can proactively choose the Main Menu, it sends us through the "Fast Play" detour of hell, since you've cleverly designed the DVD to default to that option.
Usually, when we're putting a Disney movie in the DVD player, it's either because my kids are DYING to see whatever masterpiece involving the main character's parent dying, a princess's dreams being answered by a prince or some random animals overcoming adversity. Or, it's because I've got a pot about to boil over on the stove and I need to get the kids out of the kitchen NOW.
So the longer it takes me to get your Godforsaken movie started, the more curse words you are exposing my children to. Yes, I blame you. What? Like I'm supposed to be responsible for my own actions when you're putting me through your "Fast Play" hell? I don't think so.
Ok. I admit it. I love all that is Disney. I truly believe that Disneyland is the happiest place on earth. But your stupid "Fast Play" is really pissing me off!
Your loyal Disney consumer