Sunday, January 4, 2009

Letter to Disney re: "Fast Play"

Dear Disney Corp,

Come on. "Fast Play"? Do you really expect us to fall for this load of crap? I'm of course referring to the seemingly time saving "Fast Play" option on your DVDs, that does not take you directly to the damn movie - as the name would suggest, but instead takes you through 30 minutes of previews for other movies and commercials for Disney crap, I mean lovely merchandise.

I knew from the first - that "Fast Play" was a ploy. It's just that the voice sounds so excited when it says "This DVD is now equipped with Disney's Fast Play! Your movie, and a selection of bonus features, will play for you automatically!" Bonus features? Really? You are selling your previews and merchandise as bonus features? What's the bonus? I get to spend my hard earned bonus getting more Disney crap for my kids?

There is nothing fast about "Fast Play" Disney people! Seriously. How can you name it that, and sleep at night? Clearly, I am on to you, and immediately scroll over to the "Main Menu" function so that I can actually get to the menu of the DVD that will allow me to start the movie we are attempting to watch. However, if I don't stand there and monitor the screen so that I can proactively choose the Main Menu, it sends us through the "Fast Play" detour of hell, since you've cleverly designed the DVD to default to that option.

Usually, when we're putting a Disney movie in the DVD player, it's either because my kids are DYING to see whatever masterpiece involving the main character's parent dying, a princess's dreams being answered by a prince or some random animals overcoming adversity. Or, it's because I've got a pot about to boil over on the stove and I need to get the kids out of the kitchen NOW.

So the longer it takes me to get your Godforsaken movie started, the more curse words you are exposing my children to. Yes, I blame you. What? Like I'm supposed to be responsible for my own actions when you're putting me through your "Fast Play" hell? I don't think so.

Ok. I admit it. I love all that is Disney. I truly believe that Disneyland is the happiest place on earth. But your stupid "Fast Play" is really pissing me off!

Sincerely,
Your loyal Disney consumer

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

Ummmmm, I'm sensing some bitterness....
-Saved by Grace

Sophie, Inzaburbs said...

I hate Fast Play too. It took me about 100 plays to realize what was going on. I kept thinking Fast Play meant go straight to the movie.

At least now that I have worked it out I can hit that menu button really quickly, before my children start screeching "I want to watch the commercials!". Because sadly, they do.

Kate Coveny Hood said...

Fast Play is the Devil. Especially when you are trying to operate a DVD player attached to the back of your seat while you are driving.

I've been a little out of touch with the holidays - so this may be kind of late - but I love the new look!

PsychMamma said...

Hahahaha! I have ranted the same rant (with a curse word or two thrown in) while frantically pushing the DVD Menu button myself!

Here's hoping the Disney company listens to "Mommy Bloggers"

For Myself said...

Is that kind of like me blaming all the bad drivers out there for exposing my kids to the f-bomb? I mean, if those drivers hadn't cut me off, I wouldn't have shouted that, and I certainly wouldn't need to explain to my darlings why they shouldn't throw their middle finger up at people like that.

Kirsten / Mama Ginger Tree said...

Fast play sucks.

anymommy said...

I detest fast play. I spit on it. If I have to fast forward through the previews on Toy Story one more time...

Issas Crazy World said...

Here, here!!!

I can't stand it when I push the button to fast forward and my TV says, you can not do that at this time. Dude, didn't I pay good money to not have to watch previews?

Anonymous said...

What the heck is this about? I cannot get the DVD to work in my player???

Anonymous said...

Do what I did. Make a copy of the movie and strip all excess crap away with say DVDShrink. Now I got me a Sleeping Beauty with Instant Play :D not menus no nuthing, just strait to the movie

Anonymous said...

What did you expect from a bunch of dick sucker lovers???

Anonymous said...

It's strange when I run into these Disney schemes considering the initial ideology of the company. And yes, this is a scheme. Calling a commercial a 'bonus feature' is a lie, as is 'fast play', which naturally implies you will begin playing the movie immediately. Is there really a parent out there in a hurry to watch the commercials rather than the movie and are commercials 'the' feature? Shameful.

And the other thing, is charging $50 for a DVD really 'family friendly'? I know Disney has to make a living but it seems shareholder reports and numbers drive the company more than any real concern for those who grew up believing in 'magic'.

My question to the management is how much bad mojo can you pass onto consumers before they become disillusioned/see through it, abandon your product and start looking elsewhere for family entertainment?

 

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