Monday, August 24, 2009

I've got a bad case of PVDS

I hate that I've had no inspiration to write lately, and little energy to even open my laptop in the evenings for some good blog reading.

After reading a recent post on Motherhood in NYC, I've self diagnosed that I have PVDS - Post Vacation Depression Syndrome. Here I am, back from a fabulous lake vacation with my family, and I'm feeling inexplicably down. Thanks to Marinka, instead of walking around wondering what the hell my problem is, I can finally attribute it to a fake real illness.

Here are some other things I'm hating on lately...

I hate that it didn't feel like a real summer because the weather was so wacky and unseasonably cool.

I hate that we're in this hazy zone in between spontaneous summer fun and the scheduled predictability of the school year.

I hate that my husband just told me he thinks Seesa needs a new lunchbox, and I've got exactly one day to get her a new one before she starts her first day of Kindergarten, or just go with the old - apparently sub par - one.

I hate that it seems like I'm the last one in the office in the mornings and the first one out at night, and it makes me feel guilty every.single.day. In the words of MommyGeekology, being a working Mother sucks donkey balls.

I hate that even though I get out of the office as soon as humanely possible, and drive home as fast as the law will allow, I still find myself rushing to get dinner ready as soon as I walk in the door while listening to my girls cry about being s t a r v i n g.

I hate that I just found out that the city is about to start work on a span of roadway from the bridge I travel across into the city that I work in that will be completed sometime in late 2012, that is going to make my commute EVEN LONGER while the work is going on with all the detours.

I hate that it takes an act of God to do any activity in the evenings during the weekdays. Classes for my kids, dinner with family or friends, or just going to the park takes major coordination and even then, is not uncommonly derailed by work emergencies or traffic.

I hate that we missed half of the pre-Kindergarten playdates this summer, because some were scheduled during the day, during the week - making it impossible for families with two full time working parents to attend.

I hate that there are so few families with two working parents in our neighborhood... and in Marin... and in the Bay Area... and sometimes it feels like everywhere!

I hate that I sometimes get jealous of my Mom friends who have a choice about whether or not to work outside the home.

I hate that I get impatient with my kids when I'm stressed out.

I hate that as much as I try not to let it affect me and to just do the best I can and know that whatever happens, things will work out one way or another - I'm still varying degrees of freaked out about the future of my job and the changes it will bring, no matter what happens.

I hate that there's never enough time to spend with my friends.


But...I love that I have an outlet in blogging. I can take all my frustrations, get them out of my head, figuratively tear them up into a million little pieces and blow them into the wind. Despite the list that precedes this, and almost being in tears trying to get dinner ready this evening, just the thought of typing out this post after the kids are in bed was enough to help me take a deep breath, get the kids to help me with dinner and enjoy the time that I had with them before tucking them in for the night.

That. Is worth its weight in gold.

16 comments:

Kirsten said...

Sorry. I feel like crap for making you guys drive down here for M&A's b-day dinner. We just couldn't figure anything else out.

You'll probably feel better once school starts and you get into a routine. At least we'll get to revisit the vacation in a couple weeks!

bernthis said...

first of all: I love you so so much. You are an amazing woman. I will miss summer. sleeping late, no pressure at night to do the homework, make the lunch, do the sport activities. It's hard being a working parent but you do it for your kids and that is enough of a reason.

Christy said...

I am sooo glad you have this blog as an outlet too. I am sorry you're having such a crap moment, or series of moments. I wish I lived around the corner so I could walk over and give you a great big hug - but I'm sending you one virtually instead. Keep writing - hopefully it will keep helping!!! xo

butwhymommy said...

Big hugs sweetie.

I think things will seem better once you are back into the routine of things. Its so hard coming off vacation and trying to get back into real life (I actually quit a job right after I got back from Mexico because I couldn't deal - but that's just me).

Tamara @ Watching the Grass Grow said...

I am SO glad I'm not the only one that makes "I hate" lists. Aren't they cathartic? I am feeling your back-to-school-end-of-summer angst right now, trust me. Weekdays are non-stop, and weekends are reserved for every hold-on-to-summer-as-tightly-as-you-can activity, so they're hectic too. Add in all the back to school germs and sickness, and it's a hell of a time.

Issas Crazy World said...

On honey, I so get this. I did it for years. It does suck donkey balls. Man Caitlin was right on with that. You can only do what you can do. You know? Taking a deep breath and enjoying what time you do have with them is the best thing you can do.

Tons of hugs to you my friend.

ps. dude, let the girl take that lunch box for a day or two. Get one this weekend. It'll be okay.

mommygeekology said...

So this was the post I was going to write when I wrote about how it sucks donkey balls, so I'll just copy & paste this, k?

:)

Seriously though, I am with you. Especially the dinner and/or trying to do something other than RUSH RUSH RUSH after work part. HATE. IT.

But I love you.

Headless Mom said...

(((hugs)))

Sometimes life and schedules just get the best of us! Since I'm not a working (outside of the home) mom I can only imagine the pressure that you feel. It's bad enough here, and I'm at home!

Write when you feel like it, or have the time. It will/should get a little better when everyone is back on a regular schedule, no? No more pressure on yourself, k?

Lish said...

I hate that I am so busy at work right now that I can't write the comment that I want to write.

septembermom said...

Take care of yourself. It's so tough to juggle everything. Sorry that things are lousy sometimes. Big hugs to you!

I am Janeen... said...

Kari, I'm so with you right now on many of your points. I wish that there were more working moms too in my neighborhood, in my school...in my town! I don't have the pressures that you have in terms of commuting and I give you lots and lots and lots of credit for doing what you do and for doing it well!

Maura said...

It's a lot to carry around on your shoulders, so I'm also glad that you have this outlet to help unburden yourself, even if it's only just a little.

Kim said...

Oh Kari, I can totally relate to this especially when you say you hate being the last one in and first one out. I feel like this at work too and sick about it.

Andrea's Sweet Life said...

My daughter had to use her old lunch box for the first few days of school. It didn't kill her!

I hope things are looking up, soon. It won't always bee this way!

youarekiddingme said...

"Being a working Mother sucks donkey balls." Amen. I loved your I hate list. I am also a working mom and hate that I don't have the choice. I also hate when some moms that do have a choice and stay home in whatever capacity (no work, work from home - but are home, nonetheless) complain about it. Yes, children are a 24/7 job, but when you're home with them you can clean, grocery shop, do laundry - all the stuff that us "working out of the house" moms rush to do in the evenings and on the weekends - when we really do want to spend time with our families. Okay - it's official - this rants needs to be my next blog post. Thanks for listening! I'll be back to visit!

kanishk said...

I am sooo glad you have this blog as an outlet too. Web hosting india

 

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