Saturday, April 17, 2010

Going on a bear hunt

Going on a bear hunt, gonna catch a big one. Oh no! A forest. A big, dark forest. Can't go over it. Can't go under it. Can't go around it. Have to go through it.

I've been thinking about the lines from this book. I read it to my kids occasionally, and they love it. It's one of those books that they can read along with. I remember hearing it when I was a kid and even chanting it around a fire pit at summer camp when I was young. I never truly appreciated the words until now.

After I lost my job, one of the things I was so excited about was having more time to blog. It hasn't really worked out that way. For a number of reasons, this has turned out to be a time of some major challenges in my life. Dealing with the end of my sixteen year career at my old firm and searching for what is next for me has been much more difficult than I had anticipated. Having my husband lose his job recently has obviously put another spin on our already spinning lives. There have been some issues with my Mom, who is getting older. Issues that have put a strain on my relationship with my sister. My oldest daughter's first year in Kindergarten, while fantastic, has been a huge change for all of us. She's been exhibiting some behaviors at school, and I've been struggling to determine what's normal and what's a sign of some bigger problem. My marriage..... Well, let's just say that it's been more than just a tough spot. I will write more about these things, just not always here.

There have been times in my life when I've not chosen the best coping mechanisms. Hell, sometimes I've chosen downright destructive ways of dealing - or rather, not dealing with my problems. This is one of those times. I can see myself going down a path...trying to work my way over, trying to sneak under, trying to find a path around this big dark forest. But I'm realizing that I can't.

For me, and for my kids...I am going to have to go through it.

So I'm going on a bear hunt. I'm going to catch a big one. What a beautiful day! I'm not scared. Only...I am.

18 comments:

Bridget said...

Wow. What a moving post.

I'll be praying for you.

Zip n Tizzy said...

All of these are big.

Amazing how we get to a point, once we've had children, where we realize that maybe our past ways of dealing with things aren't working for us. Good for you for realizing it. It is scary, but some people don't EVER realize they have to face things head on, and that's even scarier.

Still, I hope that some of these things ease up for you soon. That's a lot on your plate.

Saved by Grace said...

AWESOME!
You are sooooo gonna rock at this! I can't wait to see you get through this, grow into an even awesomer (from my own personal dictionary) woman than you already are, and come out smelling like a rose.

Christy said...

Oh Kari I'm sending you positive thoughts...what a lot of serious issues you're having to deal with all at once. Best of luck - you WILL get through it all.

Sophie, Inzaburbs said...

Wow. That is a lot. The forest analogy is such a good one. I don't really know you, but from reading you, I believe you can do it. Good Luck with everything...

Lucy said...

I have followed you and have noticed you keep it close to the vest, so to speak. You and are very different there (lol) but that is what makes the world go round, we all can't be the same, it would be a boring place.

I have to admit I am glad I didn't share my blog with my family and a lot of friends, only two very close friends read my blog and every thing on it I tell them but my blog is where I get everything out and I love it and I love that I have made bloggy friends that tell me like it is, sometimes they agree and sometimes they don't. But, mostly they are very supportive on my down and raw days and if my family was ever to come across it, well, I would survive. I am a pretty open person.

Anyways, I really hope that it all comes full circle for you and your family and you get THROUGH it. My mother always says to me, "this too shall pass" It is her way of saying nothing lasts forever!!!!

Allyson said...

I'll be thinking of you, hoping for you, and buying bear traps in case you need them.

Aliceson said...

Times are tough. Not fun and not easy but they are what they are. Aging and/or ill family members can tear apart an otherwise close family (not on purpose of course but the strain becomes too much). My grandmother is suffering from dementia while my grandfather's physical health is declining and the family remains split on how to deal with it. Like I said, not fun but what else can we do but keep on keepin on. Just please remember that you are not alone and that while blogging may not seem like the best way to express yourself (with the rest of the family reading) it's good to get it out. Trust me as a blogger who pissed off her family earlier this year with the truth, I get it.

Lish said...

Great post.

Tamara said...

Great post. You'd be a fool to not be scared...and you're clearly no fool. Good luck with all of the issues--facing them head-on is one of the hardest things to do in life, but it's always the best choice.

I am Janeen... said...

I read this book to Ben too but never likened it to my own life and my own bear hunt, which I'm also in the middle of - as you know.

Don't be scared, Kari. I'm not and I don't want you to be either. OK?

Headless Mom said...

Big changes are tough, but you're tougher and I know you'll come out on the other side stronger, and kicking ass.

Keep us posted, k?

anymommy said...

I'm with you in spirit, with bells to scare away the bears. I'm looking forward to wrapping you in a big bear hug in August and hearing all you feel you want to tell.

Kate Coveny Hood said...

How can I be reading this weeks after you wrote it? Am I that far behind? I'm so sorry - about everything. I do understand a lot of this and how it can make you feel very lonely. But I'm thinking about you and want to listen to anything you need to say or sort of say. Much love to you.

Jessica said...

I love this book, and I love this post. I could have written the second half.

Beautiful. Sending you good strong vibes!

Swapna Raghu Sanand said...

I love the way you spoke so honestly about coping mechanisms and the choices you made and the way you look back at it. I feel that you are really strong and positive. Keep blogging.

Rachel Federman said...

So honest. This is great, very motivating. Sounds like a lot to deal with at once. Glad you're able to get it out in writing, publicly or not.

Anonymous said...

I just came across your blog...I can relate to this post on so many levels. I have finally gotten to the point of having to also go through the forest - and it was so, so difficult. But I am on the other side now, and it was the only way to truly get through it. Such an honest post and I appreciate you sharing it!

 

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