Warning - this post is about barf

Just wanted you to know, in case you have a weak stomach.

I've been thinking a lot about barfing lately. Maybe because that's all I've been doing all day, because I am sick AGAIN! What the??? The craziest thing is that this morning, my doctor diagnosed me with bronchitis and a sinus infection. Later this morning, I started barfing. And still haven't stopped. I can't even keep water down. So, I guess I also have the flu now. Who the hell knows.

This is the first moment I'm feeling less nauseous, and what am I doing? What can I say, I was inspired.

I absolutely hate barfing. Hate it. I will do anything to avoid it. Obviously, when I'm sick, it's sometimes unavoidable. However, sometimes it can be avoided. This is the one reason that I will not drink alcohol to excess. Because I am afraid of barfing. I've easily forgotten all the pain associated with childbirth, but I will never forget the one time in my life I barfed from being drunk. One time. Never again.

This also reminded me of a couple of other memorable barfing moments.

#1 It was New Years Eve 1999. My husband and I planned this huge bash to ring in the new millennium. We had invited all our friends, and had all these fun Year 2000 games planned. We were going to party like the Prince song promised we would. That day, we both got sick. Really sick. We had to call all our friends and cancel our party. The topper was when we were sitting on the couch, surrounded by meds, Kleenex and crackers. We were watching the New Years festivities on TV and all the sudden one side of our big HAPPY NEW YEAR 2000 banner that was hanging in a doorway just above our television fell down, and the we both stared at the sign swinging back and forth pathetically. In sickness and in health baby. Happy New Years.

#2 I had just given birth to my second daughter, Milly. I had a c-section and was still pumped up on pain meds that made my nauseous. Occasionally, I would need someone to bring me the bedpan, because I could not get out of bed, so I could barf. A couple of times, that person was my sister. My sister who has always had a really strong gag reflex. When we were kids, I used to purposely try to make her barf by picking my nose and showing it to her or telling her something really gross. What can I say? I'm pretty sure I was obligated as the older sister to torture her in this manner. She would barf at the drop of a hat. So now, thinking back on that day in the hospital - I have no idea how she held that bedpan for me while I was barfing in it. Wow. If that's not love, I don't know what is.

Note to my wonderful sister, who tagged me for the "Sixth Photo in the Sixth Album" meme; and to the wonderful Marinka, who tagged me for the "Six Random/Weird Things About Yourself" meme: THANK YOU BOTH! I'm actually really excited to write these posts, I'm just a bit preoccupied right now, barfing.

Time Out for Mommy

I made arrangements for my kids to spend the night at their caregiver, Nouzhie's house tonight because I had a work conference in the evening and hubby is out of town on business. Nouzhie has a small in-home Montessori child care that both of my kids have attended since they were infants. Seesa is now at Preschool full time, and Milly goes to Preschool two days a week and Nouzhie's the other three days. They both have "spent the overnight" there before, and just love it. It's like a kid vacation for them.

So, my work deal was canceled, because market conditions are taking so much of every one's time and energy. Yah, you got that right.

Did I cancel the overnight for my kids? No, I did not.
Do I feel bad about it? No, I do not.

Mommy needs a TIME OUT. Big time.

What do I have planned for my luxurious night off you ask? Absolutely nothing. Quite possibly, I will simply sit and stare at the walls.

When the kids were leaving this morning, I said "Have fun spending the overnight at Nouzhie's!".

Seesa replied "Have fun...(pause)...have fun by yourself!".

You got that right baby!

Something's Gotta Give

My first mistake was taking the kids to the grocery store with me, instead of dropping them off at home, and running out for groceries by myself. My husband was at home, and perfectly capable of taking the kids. I don't know why I was compelled to take them with me. My husband's theory is that I feel like I have to spend every minute outside of work with them.

When we got to the store, I got a cart, and Seesa wanted one of the little kid sized carts for herself. Of course, Milly wanted one too. So the three of us, with our three carts, started shopping for groceries.

This is basically what I sounded like as we made our way through the store:

Hey Seesa, slow down.
Milly, come on. We're going over here.
Seesa, you can't swing the cart around like that.
Milly, come on, this way.
No, we've got plenty of candy at home.
Thanks sweetie, but we don't need any Crisco.
Hey, stop.
Please don't put that in your cart.
Seesa, watch out, you're going to run into someone.
Milly, we're over here.
Come on guys.
No, we don't need anything down that isle.
Ok, stop.
You can put the next thing in your cart.
No, we've already got dish washing detergent Milly, please put those back.
Come on, let's go over here.
Seesa, slow down.
No, we don't need any hot dogs.
Let's get some fruit.
Come on over here.
Ok, here we go.
Let's check out now.
Seesa slow down.
Milly, come on over here.
No, we've got plenty of candy at home.
No, we've got plenty of stuffed animals at home.
Ok, one more grape and then we need to pay for them.
Guys, come over here.
Please don't swing on the bars.
No, we aren't getting candy.
They just want grapes, can you just hand me the grapes?
Yes, you can push the buttons, just a minute.
Ok, come on guys, let's go.
Honey, I need to help you with the cart, it's heavy.
Just get in the car guys.
No, you may NOT brush your teeth.
Do NOT open that toothpaste.
Why did you hit her?
Say you're sorry right now.
Everyone please just stop crying.

I got home, walked in the door, and declared to my husband, "Dinner is somewhere in these shopping bags. Have a ball."

Uninspi(RED)

You know that charity thing the Gap does for AIDS/HIV in Africa, where they sell products with words ending in RED on them?

Well, lately - I've been uninspi(RED) to write in my blog. Probably because I am so ti(RED). I always wanted to write the Gap to tell them that they should create a ti(RED) shirt in their maternity wear line.

Anyway, I've got a lot of thoughts floating around in my head. I just can't seem to get them to gel together and get them down in writing.

Jobs I'd Be Good At

1. Exotic Animal Trainer This has always been my plan B. If my life had taken a turn for the worst, I had decided I would move down to Southern California and go to this exotic animal training school there to become a trainer. One time when we were at Sea World in San Diego watching the whale show, my eyes welled up with desire to be in the water with the whales. Then I remembered how sometimes trainers are maimed and killed by the exotic animals they are training. So, probably better to stick with Finance. I leave work unscathed most days.

2. Sound Production I think my life should have a soundtrack. I love music, and I often think of the perfect song in various situations in my life. I think I'd be really good at picking the right music for scenes in television and movies. Also, and I'm not sure how this is related to sound production, but I'm really good at hearing a voice and knowing immediately who it is - like famous people who do narration for commercials.

3. Judge I may not like making my own decisions, but I really like making decisions for other people. And I think I'm really fair. I have an open mind and I'm really good at seeing things from all sides. Even when I have a strong conviction about something, I can always see how someone might see it differently.

4. Host of Survivor I've got nothing on Jeff Probst, believe me - the guy rocks at hosting that show. He is perfect. He makes it look so fun, that I'd like to do it too. I've actually always wanted to be on that show. I even sent in an audition tape. But, I think maybe I'd like to host it even more. Or maybe I just want to marry Jeff Probst.

5. Business Owner Someday, I will own my own business. Someday when the kids are on their own and I have enough money to retire - so that I can spend the time and money it takes to start your own business. Or, when I win the lottery. My sister and I fantasize about opening up our own specialty kitchen store. We both love dishware, linens and kitchen gadgets - but she's much better at actually using them to make something wonderful. We'd find all these really great kitchen accessories from around the world, and we'd hold cooking classes at the store.

6. ER Doctor I've always thought maybe I should have gone into medicine. I loved my science classes and was even pre-med for a time in college. Until I realized how long a road it is to become a doctor, and decided that I wasn't committed to it enough at that point. I had an internship as a sexual health educator in college - and I think that might have been my favorite "job" ever. I taught classes and had office hours to teach the basics of the male and female reproductive systems, give the low down on STDs and the many forms of birth control and how to use them. One of the best classes I ever taught was a class on AIDS that I gave to a fraternity house on campus. Those guys came up with so many different scenarios that they were trying to rule out as an opportunity to contract HIV, the creativity was amazing. Although I don't know why I'd be surprised that college-aged guys would spend all their time thinking about sex. Back to the ER Doctor thing... one of my greatest talents is remaining calm under pressure. Especially in the most stressful situations, I find that I can be cool, collected and am surprisingly better at making decisions and delegating than I am in normal situations.

None of these jobs are even remotely related to what I actually do for a living right now. However, I think I could probably site parts of my job where I use the skills of a trainer, producer, judge, business owner, emergency doctor and yes, even a reality show host.

My own blog angst

My sister got me into blogging, and I couldn't be more grateful. I used to love to journal. That was before I had kids. Now, who has time to hand write anything? So, this has become my little online journal.

Some people read my blog after finding me on AllMediocre, or from a link on my sister's blog. I've also given my website to some of my family and good friends. I used to send out online photo albums of my kids all the time, but as life has gotten busier and busier, I find less time to do that. I thought giving friends the site would be a good way for them to catch up on what I'm up to and see the latest cute pictures of my kids whenever they want.

My angst has to do with the fact that I occasionally find myself thinking about who might be reading this when I write something. I don't ever want to write that way. This is my personal journal, and my way of recording some of my thoughts for my children. I'd love for them to look back on this someday and laugh at the funny stories from their childhood, get an insight into how their Mom felt about being their Mom and most of all - to know more than anything else, that they are so loved.

So, whenever I've hesitated to post something, I remind myself of why I'm doing this.

There are only two things that I won't write about in this blog. One is people at work. I've got so many great stories about people that I work with, but I don't want to get fired, so I'll have to find some other outlet for those. The other is something else that I'm not going to talk about not talking about - let's just say that I'm not going to blog about it.

So, this is my life. And this blog is my creative outlet.

If you are reading this, I hope you enjoy it. If you're not enjoying it, stop reading it.

Comment to my sister's post

Since I can't post a comment to my sister's latest post about her blog angst, I will just write a post about it on my blog!

Re: Angst #1 - Take your brother-in-law's comment with a grain of salt. By his own admission, it pains him to eek out a sentence. He can't fathom why anyone would want to write for pleasure. He doesn't even read my blog. When I asked him why last night, he said "Why the hell do I need to read about it? I live it".

Re: Angst #2 - I've totally done that before...write out entire posts in my mind, and by the time I sit down to actually type it, I can't remember half of the amazingly clever things I was going to say. And p.s. your husband knows finance, but he does not know writing if he thinks you are just good. You don't give yourself enough credit.

Re: Angst #3 - You crack me up every day girl! You crack my friends up too. They're always telling me about how funny you are, and how much they enjoy your writing.

Re: Angst #4 - As you can see, I can't stand to not comment on certain things - like you not realizing how great you are. So there.

Re: Angst #5 - I love your theme now, and I love your idea for the new theme. I think this whole thing has evolved for you and it keep growing. Just move over to The Norwindians when it feels right.

Re: Angst #6 - I still have this one postcard from Dad that has about 3 sentences on it. I treasure it.

And finally, because I often think there is a perfect song to convey exactly how I feel in any given situation, this is for you:

The Middle, by Jimmy Eat World

Hey, don't write yourself off yet.
It's only in your head you feel left out or looked down on.
Just try your best, try everything you can.
And don't you worry what they tell themselves when you're away.

It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything will be just fine, everything will be alright.

Hey, you know they're all the same.
You know you're doing better on your own, so don't buy in.
Live right now.Yeah, just be yourself.
It doesn't matter if it's good enough for someone else.

It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything will be just fine, everything will be alright.

Hey, don't write yourself off yet.
It's only in your head you feel left out or looked down on.
Just do your best, do everything you can.
And don't you worry what the bitter hearts are gonna say.

It just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride.
Everything will be just fine, everything will be alright.